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AGING AND MIND: STEPS TO TAKE FOR LIFE STIMULATION
In preference to solitary activities it is better to choose something involving others. But this advice applies only if being lonely is a special problem for you. In a 1985 study, Reed Larson of the University of Chicago and his co-workers charted the number of hours per day people of various ages spent alone. They found that in later life we tend to spend more time by ourselves than we did in our earlier years. (For instance, the older people in this study who were married spent about 40 percent of their waking hours alone). Being alone does not bother us. But this is true only if we have the choice to be with others. Larson\'s older subjects who had no spouse or other close relationship chafed at the hours they spent in solitude. Loneliness happens when there is no one we care about whom we can immediately call. It is a feeling that is just as painful, sharp, and important to change at any age.
You should not accept loneliness as the inevitable price of being older, even if you are living alone. Despite the idea that loneliness is rampant among the elderly, in a nationwide Harris poll taken in 1981 people over sixty-five did not report being lonely more often than younger adults.
If you are lonely and have compelling interests, use them to enrich yourself and increase your circle of friends. Instead of painting at home, try enrolling in an art class. Rather than exercising alone, look into joining a group. Conversation will not be such a problem, because you can discuss your shared Passion with the people you meet. And because you do have this common interest there is a chance you\'ll find a true kindred soul.
At the same time, monitor the events in your week to see now much contact with other people you do have. If you decide you are alone too much, plan to increase your social activities by a definite (but achievable) number of hours each week. Ruthlessly apply the same list-making strategy you used for interests to selecting friends. Rank people from \"those I like most\" to \"those I least prefer.\" Try each day to make a call or two to arrange a date. Concentrate on people near the top of your list. You don\'t need to invite someone to go to the theater or an expensive restaurant. People will be flattered if you ask them for tea or a stroll in the park. But you must want to be with the person you choose. Meaningless social engagements (or activities) will leave you feeling it is more satisfying to do nothing. The essence of staying intelligent is to arrange an outer life that fulfills your inner preferences and desires.
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GENERAL HEALTH
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