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LOVE AND MARRIAGES IN DIFFERENT AGES: DIFFERENT TYPES OF MARRIAGES
In one study, long-term middle-class marriages fit into three general types, two unhappy and one ideal. In the \"conflict-habituated\" marriage, quarreling and nagging were the main forms of communication. Husbands and wives were locked into a protracted undeclared war, but neither seemed interested in divorce. It was as if each person derived a perverse pleasure from having someone to fight with.
The second kind of marriage was the one the researchers found most often - the passive/congenial relationship. This marriage was less stormy but just as unfulfilling, lurching along indifferently and joylessly. Husbands and wives stayed together physically but remained separate emotionally. They had marriages of convenience without understanding or love.
I have nothing in common with my husband. We can spend the whole evening together - he and I staring at the TV - and I couldn’t think of one word to say to him even if you paid me a million dollars. My husband is a good provider. 1 would not think of getting a divorce. But emotionally there is nothing there - no real love or closeness. After forty years of marriage he lacks any interest in me or understanding of who I am.
The third kind of marriage is one we all want or may be lucky enough to have, \"the vital relationship.\" As the researchers described it: \"The vital pair can be easily overlooked. . . . They do the same things, publicly at least and when talking. . . . They say the same things - they are proud of their homes, love their children, gripe about their jobs. . . . But when we take a close, intimate look, the vital quality of the relationship becomes clear: the mates are intensely bound together psychologically in important life matters. Their sharing and togetherness are genuine. The relationship provides the life essence for both man and woman.\"
*54/159/5*
GENERAL HEALTH
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